Back-to-School and Co-parenting

Planning for Clear Communication With the School

Productive communication is one of the most effective ways to support your child’s success - mentally, emotionally and academically. Whenever possible, establish direct lines of communication between both parents and the school.

• Whenever appropriate, both parents should take the initiative to stay informed and engaged.
• Provide both parents’ email addresses to the school office and teachers, and request both parents have access to platforms like Google Classroom.
• If the school can only accommodate one primary contact, consider setting up a shared, neutral email account that both parents can access. (This can also be helpful for managing updates from sports teams or extracurricular activities.)
• For teens, encourage the use of a shared calendar or scheduling app that includes both parents.
• Be proactive about sharing school information with each other, and whenever possible, copy the other parent on emails with school staff.

Keep the bigger goal in mind: When both parents are informed, your child isn’t put in the middle of relaying messages or managing logistics. This promotes a greater sense of stability, emotional security and peace of mind - especially during the busy back-to-school season.

Purchases and Supplies: Planning Ahead for Peace of Mind

Coordinating school supplies in advance helps create a sense of stability and calm for your child - especially during the busy back-to-school season. Taking a proactive approach to who handles what purchases can reduce confusion and prevent last-minute stress for everyone.

For younger children, it's helpful to decide ahead of time which parent will purchase which items - backpacks, lunch kits, water bottles, indoor and outdoor shoes, etc. - so your child has everything they need without duplication or conflict.

For older children, consider setting a shared budget and allowing them some independence in selecting their own supplies. This can be a great opportunity to encourage responsibility while keeping both parents aligned on spending.

Don’t forget to plan for additional school-related expenses such as hot lunch programs, bake sales, fundraisers, and special events. Discuss how these will be handled financially to ensure your child receives a consistent message about participation. Also consider:

• Is there a single joint budget for back-to-school shopping or will each parent purchase certain items?
• Will the child participate in hot lunches, fundraisers, bake sales, book orders, etc.? If so, how will these expenses be covered?
• Will parents attend field trips or fundraising events at school? If parent involvement or volunteer hours are requested, who will attend? How will this be communicated?

Keeping the bigger goal in mind: When purchases and plans are made collaboratively, your child is spared from feeling caught in the middle or needing to “choose” between households. Instead, they can focus on feeling prepared, supported, and ready to engage fully in their school experience.

After-School Programs & Extracurriculars: Planning for Success

After-school programs and extracurriculars offer valuable opportunities for children to grow, connect and explore their interests - but they also come with logistical demands. Discussing these activities and scenarios in advance helps clarify expectations around cost, scheduling and transportation which prevents miscommunication down the line.

Every household is different and there is no single "right" schedule. The key is finding a rhythm that works for your unique situation. Having open, respectful conversations before sign-ups can help ensure that everyone is on the same page. Here are some things to discuss:

• Do both parents agree on the activity or program?
• Will both parents contribute to the cost?
• Are both parents willing to support participation during their parenting time?
• Who is available to handle transportation? Are there other children with overlapping schedules?
• Will both parents attend performances, game or tournaments?
• If your child is involved in out-of-town tournaments, competitions or over-night events will both parents attend?
• Who will the child stay with? How will travel costs and expenses be covered?
• Will new partners attend events? If so, how will this be communicated in a timely, respectful way to the co-parent?
• Where will parents sit so everyone feels comfortable watching the child?
• Will children be free to talk with everyone who attends the event regardless of the parenting schedule?

Keep the bigger goal in mind: Play to the strengths of each parent when it comes to scheduling, and consider the areas in which you as parents most naturally support your kids. Be flexible and creative in how you offer support. Even if both parents can't be present physically at every game, performance or event, what matters most is that your child feels supported and encouraged by both of you. Consistent emotional support - whether through a thoughtful message, a follow-up conversation or by simply showing interest - goes a long way in helping your child thrive.

Joint Functions and All "The Days": Planning for the Unexpected

Parenting plans don’t always account for every detail - especially when it comes to joint functions or unexpected scheduling changes such as sick days, PD days or bus cancellations. These scheduling changes may require co-parents to pivot and adjust their own schedules in order to meet their children's needs. Taking time to plan ahead for these situations can reduce stress and uncertainty for your child, allowing both parents to stay focused on what truly matters: supporting your child when they need you most. Here are some key questions to consider together:

• What is the plan for PD days, sick days, bus cancellations or other unexpected schedule changes?

• How will parent-teacher meetings be handled - individually or together?

• How will school assemblies, concerts, or special events be approached when both parents are available to attend?  

• If a parent is unable to stay home home with a sick child, is the other parent called first or do parents utilize their own network of caregivers?

• How are pictures or keepsakes from events and celebrations shared and stored?

Keeping the bigger goal in mind: When parents prepare for special events and unexpected situations in advance, the focus stays on the child - not the logistics. This helps your child feel secure and supported, while also allowing both parents to respond calmly and collaboratively when changes arise.

Support for Joint Discussion: Productive Planning

Co-parenting requires thoughtful anticipation, creativity and flexibility. The good news is, you don't have to do it alone! Productive conversations are often best achieved with support.

Mediation, parenting coordination or live email moderation can help you work through important details related to your child’s care — from daily routines to decision-making responsibilities. Our mediation process also prepares you for the long term by building the communication and collaboration skills you need for effective, ongoing co-parenting.

Involving a family professional can help support productive conversations as you work toward co-parenting arrangements that meet your child's needs. By taking the time now to plan for the school year — from schedules to shared responsibilities — you create a more stable foundation for your child. This thoughtful approach allows them to stay engaged, adjust to changes with confidence and feel secure in the experience of having supportive parents.